Tag Archives: PCS

8 Tips From Along The Way

Posted on January 18, 2013 | Leave a comment

ImageAfter four months of preparing and blogging about tips for PCSing, I can say I have learned A LOT.  It is amazing to me that during my fourth PCS I am still learning new things.  New resources, new ways of travel, ways to make transition easier on the kids, pets and marriage.  So, in my first new blog of the year here are the tips and lessons I learned during our recent move.

1.  Use H.E.A.T. (or the equivalent) to help jump start your housing hunt.  You can use this even if you have NO plans to move into government housing.  It helps give you an idea of your options and all the information about the area you will be moving to.

2.  Contact the local School Liaison Officer.  This person will direct you to the resources you’ll need in making decisions about which school(s) your child(ren) will attend (if they aren’t home schooled).  For example, when we reached out to our new SLO in Hawaii we learned that our children needed school physicals and we were able to complete them prior to leaving.  Most times Family Support Centers and Commands will have the contact information for the SLO.

3.  Every move is different so be flexible with your methods.  I thought for sure I had this PCS thing down! WRONG!!! I was totally unprepared for the work involved in moving school aged children and the emotional aspect of leaving a place we loved.  It was a very hard four months that went entirely too fast!

4.  Don’t over pack!  Going from mild to cold back to mild to warm was a challenge in the packing of suitcases.  We managed to get everything to Hawaii but we also have some very, very heavy luggage and a lot of it.  Not to mention the gifts we received for Christmas.  Looking back I could have packed a little less.  That is my norm but I really wanted variety and we were allowed two pieces each. So, I went for it and it is all just too much.  I realized that when my friend was hanging out with me watching me pack and asking my why I needed two pair of black boots. (Thanks, Cid, for this one!)

5.  Be in good communication with your child(ren)’s departing school.  From the day school started we, along with our children’s teachers started planning their departure.  It was everything from getting unused school supplies to making sure the kids had a proper good-bye to their classmates.  As a reminder of their school and friends the kids brought in plain t-shirts and all their classmates signed their names.  Even though they don’t ever wear them, it was a good way to give the boys closure and help them understand that they were leaving.

6.  Have a plan for your pets.  I have a blog about PCSing with pets but to reiterate, it can be costly.  SO BE PREPARED!  To give you an idea of what one move can take here are the hurtles we had to over come: the cost to take them will be over $2000, finding foster homes while we visited family, temperature restrictions and the worry of their over all health and well being during the last month.  For us it is worth it because they are family to us.  Especially the lazy Jack! She has been with us for every move.  Our first baby and there is NO WAY we would leave her behind.

7.  Establish a “new” normal as quickly as possible.  Being on leave and visiting family and friends is great but at some point you have to get back to everyday life.  We had the option of waiting to enroll our children in school but we didn’t.  The second day at our new duty station they were enrolled and on the third they went and my husband was back to work.  It really helps making life in a hotel A LOT easier when we aren’t on top of each other all day.

8.  Transition is hard so don’t forget your resources!  Moving is tough on everyone, even the most experienced.  Don’t forget to lean on all the great transition resources like Family Support Centers and Military One Source.  They can offer help in so many ways!!! Also, there are these great volunteers called Ombudsman, Key Spouses and FROs who can help when needed.  Their job is to know the lay of land and be a resource to help you get established.

In closing, I just want to reassure all spouses that moving is hard and stressful no matter how many times you do it or where you go.  Our husbands/wives go back to work and our children go off to school leaving us to rebuild our lives.  But, remember, it doesn’t last and we are strong and can do it! It is what military spouses do best!

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The Final Push

Posted on December 4, 2012 | 3 Comments

Many might be wondering how I’m feeling about our move now that we are so close.  Well, I can say this for sure, I’m at peace with it and ready for the actual move to happen.  However, there are days when the reality hits me like a two ton brick and all the emotions come rushing back.  Everyone I tell where we are moving to says I’m so very lucky and they are SOOOOO jealous of me.  I wish I felt that way….. At this point the sadness about moving has so much less to do with where we are headed but with what we are leaving behind.  It’s all that I have to give up for this move.  I’m sort of done trying to explain away my grief and instead I just nod and agree but deep down are the pangs of that grief.  What exactly am I grieving?

For staters, the city itself.  I feel at home here.  We like this crazy city with all it’s festivals, parades and drive through daiquiri stands.  This city was my grandfather’s home and I feel connected to that and I want my children to feel that connection, too.

Friends!!!!!!  I have made the most wonderful of friends.  It’s hard to hear them make plans for the future, a future I won’t be a part of.  Some, I have no idea when I will ever see them again.  They are family and it is heartbreaking to leave them.

We are selling my car.  It was mine….. I kept it slightly messy and always had a bottle of water rolling around.  It had  half marathon stickers and Stroller Warriors to show my achievements.  My husband likes his jeep neat at all times and free from stickers.  That is going to be a challenge for me but I’m still keep my water.

It’s Christmas time and my house feels like the it does every other day of the year.  A mess, with kids toys and shoes and dirty dishes and laundry that needs to be folded.  There is no tree or lights or nativity scene.  Can’t hang stockings or our count down calendar.  No, not this year and it makes me feel all scroogie and I want to say “Bahumbug!” 

Leaving a volunteer position I love and not having one to step into.  For the first time I know how spouses feel when they have to move and leave their careers and hope they can start back up when they are at their new home.

Leaving my family with the first visit a year away.  Coming to New Orleans we had at least two or three in the works for our first year and we hadn’t even gotten here yet.  That is a sad reality to face.

And finally… Knowing that we have a deployment to get through in a new home.  Our boys haven’t been without their dad for more than a week or so in almost four years.  In those four years the boys have changed so much and I don’t think they remember it being just the three of us.  We’ll survive it that’s a fact but I’m still scared.

So, at peace because there isn’t time to deny or fight what is happening.  But, the grief won’t truly subside until we are completely moved and life has resumed to the every day mundane routine.  I’m trying to set goals and make plans for our new home but it is hard to leave this life.  So very, very hard.

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The Unexpected Items You’ll Need Post PCS

Posted on November 16, 2012 | Leave a comment

When we PCS and start the planning process we all know the obvious items (clothes/beds) we will need before our HHG’s arrive at our new home.  I know that when we moved to Japan I was totally prepared for our sleeping arrangements and even made sure our two year old would be entertained until all his toys arrived.  But……. there was a long list of items I hadn’t even considered needing.  When we moved back to the lower 48 I didn’t want to deal with those items so we took advantage of the extended hotel allowance and waited for our HHG delivery.  This time around however, I want to get into a house and get the kids back in school as quickly as possible and that might mean being without our belongs for who knows how long.  So, I will make sure that when we check out of the hotel I will have the following items in tow:

1. Toilet paper

2.  Shower curtains and the rings to hang them.

3.  Pillows

4.  Dish soap and sponge

5.  Towels and a bath mat or two

6.  Coffee pot (Coffee drinkers please don’t jump down my throat.  I seriously didn’t even think about this hiccup but will now be prepared!)

7.  Dishes, cups, and utensils and pots/pans.

8.  If you have pets have bowls for food and water and litter boxes for cats.

Keep in mind that some of these seem obvious because after all you have a separate shipment that we all know as “express shipment” or something similar.  But, I don’t know about all of you but ours ALWAYS comes after the our HHG.  So, I’m not sure why it is even called that.  My suggestion is that if you can’t carry these items with you because you have to fly, plan on sending a few boxes to the sponsor or other trusted family.  OR, you could set up a budget to make a trip to the NEX/PX, Walmart or Target to purchase these items.  Personally, it is a good excuse to get new ones.  Especially the pillows and shower curtains.  This time around that is our plan.

What are some unexpected items you discovered you needed after you moved into your new home?

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Tips To Have A Successful Duty Station

Posted on October 19, 2012 | 2 Comments

We have all been there when our husband/wife breaks the news that their orders are not for one of the duty stations on their “list”.  In fact, it is the very last place you want to go! It could be far from family or too cold or too hot or you have heard nothing but bad things about that particular base/post.  So, how does one accept fate and move on and make the best of it?  I have talked about making the best of a bad duty station but that was geared more towards when the duty station isn’t going well for one reason or another.  Since, I find myself in this situation I’m going to share with you the tips I’m going to use to make Hawaii a successful duty station.

1.  Get involved!  Find something to volunteer for like the command FRG, Ombudsman/Key Spouse, Chapel Counsel, FFSC or NMCRS.  Other great volunteer opportunities are things for kids like the PTO, MWR Youth Sports (coaching), Boy/Girl Scouts.  Joining groups is another way to be involved.  They could include Mommy and Me, MOPS or running clubs like Stroller Warriors(if there is a chapter).  Getting involved will help you meet people and help give you purpose.  So, get out, get involved and stop thinking about how much you don’t want to be where you currently are.

2.  Have an open mind.  It never fails that as soon as you start telling friends where you will be moving the opinions start flowing.  The good, bad and the ugly!  It can be overwhelming and confusing on how one should feel.  Right now for me, I have my reasons for feeling apprehensive about moving to Hawaii but everyone I know is jealous of me.  It makes me feel like I have to be excited.  But, I’m going to give this island a chance because I never know….. I might just like it.  Deployments and all!

3.  Set long term goals.  Setting goals for yourself could be a wide variety of things.  For myself, I’m going to run a marathon.  I made a promise to myself that I would run one if I went back to Japan or moved to Hawaii (go figure!). We are also planning a trip to visit Japan since MAC flights will be easy to come by.  Setting long term goals to accomplish before you leave gives a person drive and can help the time go by faster.

4.  Be a tourist!  DO NOT SIT HOME!  As military families we are so lucky to get to travel all over the world at the government’s expense so do not sit at home (or on base) being mad you had to move to “that city”.  Head over to ITT find things to do (and get the discount).  You very well may discover you like the city through something touristy you did.  Check out restaurants, too.  Japan wasn’t my favorite place but I loved the food and a few other things and I do miss them.  This was possible because even though I wasn’t crazy about living there I didn’t sit at home.

5. Accept where you are and be at peace with it.  When you do this then you can truly open up and be able to do the first four tips.  I’m done being upset about Hawaii.  I can’t change the fact that we are moving there so it’s time to start making it the best duty station I can.  I do have two little people who are expecting that of me.  Being unhappy and counting down the days till I leave are not an option!

The fact is when I board that plane in January I’m going to cry.  I will miss New Orleans terribly but I owe it to myself to follow my tips and make the best of a place I don’t want to go.

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Moving Tips Made Simple

Posted on September 28, 2012 | 4 Comments

It only seems fitting that I have at least one blog about PCSing since that is where my mind is at right now.  Funny how just one month ago it felt like the move itself was right around the corner and now it seems like a million years away.  Emotions can do funny things to us like making a move months away feel so close.  But, while a hurricane may have derailed me for a bit, it’s time to refocus and get the ball rolling.  Like many military spouses, I have a method to my moving madness and I’m going to share those with you in some easy to do tips.  Nothing complicated, just simple things.

1.  Set times for cleaning out cabinets and closets.  Simple right?  Three years is a long time to collect things in a medicine cabinet or in a storage closet.  Sometimes, boxes can even go unopened.  But, these are things we have to go through. So, break out the calendar and set days and times to do this task.  One or two cabinets or closets a day should do the trick.  That way you aren’t overwhelmed the week the movers come and you still haven’t cleaned out the old medicines.

2.  Separate your HHG from unaccompanied baggage and color code it.  A few days before the packers come designate a room, closet and kitchen cabinets for the items going in an express shipment/unaccompanied baggage.  Create a color code system.  I use green for HHG, yellow for express and red for DON’T TOUCH.  I have found that separating the items helps you and the packers remember what’s going with what.

3.  Get kids and pets out of the house while the packers are there.  This tip will just make everyone involved so much happier.  Parents won’t worry kids are in the way, kids aren’t sad to see their stuff being taken away, pets aren’t nervous over strange people in the house and the chaos.  Kids and pets are so easily stressed during a move and you, the adult, really need to keep your eyes on the people packing your beloved items.

4.  Last month before move make a meal menu that will help use up the last of the food in the pantry.  With about 3-4 weeks before we actually leave our home, I look through the pantry and freezer and start planning meals that will use the food that is left.  I don’t mind giving food away to neighbors but I really want for us to eat as much as possible.  So, I only buy what we will eat.  I make a menu (including meals out) and stick to it that last month.

5.  Once you are out of your home relax and enjoy the time off.   Moving is so stressful for so many different reasons.  Things can happen unexpectedly, like packers coming late or forgetting boxes and so forth.  But, once you are out of your home and on the road to visit family or even just heading to the next duty station, ENJOY IT!  Treat that time as a vacation because once you arrive at the new location the stress will return.  Relaxing and enjoying the time as a family can help everyone regroup and de-stress.

PCSing is usually not a fun time.  There is always so much to do and a lot of the “to do” list happens in a short period of time which can be stressful.  If the stress is getting to you and you begin to feel overwhelmed with the process, sit and write everything down that needs to be done.  Ask friends for help or even family if they are able.  When you and your spouse are at each others throats just remember that you are in it together as a team!  And there is no “I” in “team”.  One thing my husband and I have decided is that we do it together.  Everyone goes in together and we all come out together.  None of this “you go ahead and find us a house and get us settled”…. No! We are Team Laing and we do the entire process together.

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What Happens When The Tipster Needs Tips?

Posted on August 24, 2012 | 2 Comments

The inevitable has happened…. We are now waiting on our official orders for PCS.  We are transferring sooner, A LOT, sooner than we had anticipated but that is military life.  We certainly aren’t the first and will definitely not be the last to transfer unexpectedly but when my husband broke the news to me I went blank.  After two plus years of helping families in this same position I found myself feeling overwhelmed and stumped on where to even begin.  How does that even happen to a person?  I think mostly because I told myself for months that we were going to be here longer than our current orders.

The first thing I did was cry A LOT!  You see, we have absolutely loved living in New Orleans.  This duty station gave me a connection to my family who originated here.  So, being here has given my  extended family a chance or maybe a better word is: reason, to visit.  My little family has been given the chance to see the city through different eyes.

 

Family Plot 

We have also been blessed with incredible friends.  The kind that become family and are life long.  They spent many years here before the Coast Guard hopped them around and finally transferred them to New Orleans the same time we moved here.  They have showed us a different perspective than my family.

Occupy Mardi Gras 2012

This duty station has been healing.  Japan was not the best of tours and coming here my husband healed his career and is moving forward.  We healed our marriage that was rocky at best and being held together by the vows we took on our wedding day.  It healed my sense of promise that things can be great no matter where we live.  I took the strengths I gained from that tour in Japan and built them up here.  It lead me to my Ombudsman position and this blog.  It is hard to turn my back on this city that has brought so much to us.

St. Patrick’s Day 2011

But, we have to.  Mother Navy says it is time to go and I have to have faith in myself that we will continue to be strong and successful in our new home, too. However, I’m in love with New Orleans.  I don’t want to leave and with every step we take that brings us closer to leaving I feel tears building in my eyes. How do I leave and not let this great tour over shadow what could be another great one?  Where can I find the confidence that this overseas tour will be different from the last?  Most important, how do I grieve and move forward with an open mind so that the strength I’ve gotten enables me to live in another city?  These are the tips I need.  I’ve got the actual move part down, it’s the emotional side that I need advice on.

Champion Square Pre-game

I suppose this is the very definintaion of what means to be a military family.  To leave places we love and go to ones we don’t and make the best of them.  I have to feel this way not just for myself but for my children.  They, too, have to learn to pick themselves up by the boot straps and keep moving forward with the hopes of great things to come.

With that, I will put on my suit of armor and accept tips to help me move forward to the next adventure.

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Five Reason to NOT Live This Life

Posted on August 10, 2012 | Leave a comment

A couple of months ago I wrote why I love living a military life, and it’s true.  I’ve said it many times in this blog so far BUT there are things that make it hard….. really, really hard.  Most will say that with all endeavors we love, there are the dark sides.  Sides that make us pause and question our decisions in life.  Right now I’m having one of those moments where the dark side of military life is speaking loud and clear and I am questioning why I like it.  Here are the reasons, the dark ones, to not live this life.

1.  The constant good-byes.  Well, they aren’t true “good-byes”, more like “see ya, laters” but it is the moment where you must turn your back and continue on with life without someone you love.  The most difficult are our spouses, parents and our military families we treat like family.  Those moments never get easier…. NEVER!

2.  Having to take our children from a life they love.  Military children form fast friendships and partake in sports they love and go to schools with teachers that inspire them.  It is a sad moment when you have to tell your children that you will be moving them from those people or that those people are moving away from them.  There is nothing you can do to comfort them as they take a leap of faith and hope that they will make another friend, have a teacher they love or a join a winning sports team.

3.  Looking for new doctors and dentists.   For the first time in my Navy life I’m being seen at a civilian dental practice and I LOVE THEM!  They have been great with our boys and just all around great people work in this practice.  So, looking forward to our upcoming PCS next year I’m feeling pains of having to leave a practice I’m thrilled with and hope to find a new one that meets the standard I expect.

4.  Making new friends.  For some people this isn’t a big deal.  They are outgoing and likable but me… not so much.  I tend to be reserved and hold back on warming up to new people.  It seems that after I finally find one or two people that will have my back, they become my sisters, then they leave or I leave.  It is sad and hard and I’m dreading having to leave friends here and make new ones.

5.  The packing and unpacking.  It is true that I enjoy cleaning out our home and getting ready for our move but it is a lot of work and each time I pray the Navy gives me the time to do it.  I also stress about where our kids will be.  Will they be in school or with a sitter or home with us? Which one is better?  Then there is the moment you take a look at your new home and wonder if all your stuff will fit.  And of course, there are the boxes and paper….. Some people like when the packers take all the stuff away but after having to organize a house with piles of stuff everywhere because the packers just put stuff anywhere, I’ll take this one on no matter how much I don’t like it.

So, there we have it.  Five reasons that make me question why I continue to follow the man I love and live this life.  They are small sacrifices that I don’t mind dealing with but when I have to face them I can’t help but resent my military life.  But, then I remind myself of all the great things especially the most important, my husband.  It might be a military life I live but it wouldn’t be much of a life at all without him.  So, when I am feeling resentful and angry because I have to say “good-bye” to my family, I will pour a glass of wine, sit on my porch and chat with a friend and hope to feel better the next day.

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PCS With Pets

Posted on May 18, 2012 | Leave a comment

The orders have come in and immediately the planning to move begins.  There are the schools and the house hunting and the packing and traveling, but what about those furry (or maybe not) friends we share our lives with?  PETS! We have to plan for them, too.  I can say first hand that this can be a lengthy process especially if you are moving overseas. Our dog has always moved with us and she has been around the world and I truthfully cannot imagine our lives without her.  For this to be true we have to take her best interest in to account when we make our travel arrangements.  I recall moving back to the states from Japan and I was so worried about her getting on each airplane we flew on.  Desperately looking out the window for her kennel and watching that she was gently placed in cargo for the flight.  Then we arrive and had to leave her in the care of others because we didn’t have a home yet.  But, how did we come to make the decision to take her to Japan and back and what did we do ensure she remained healthy and safe?  With these tips!

Lazy Jack Russel

1.  Visit the vet first!  When you receive your orders make a call to the vet and get all vaccines up to date and if you are heading overseas start the overseas screening process.  I highly recommend going through the Army Vet for overseas screening.  They know all the regulations for every country.

2.  Make a checklist of all the supplies your pet will need during your transfer.  On this list you should include items like vaccine records, health certificate (if overseas), bowls, food, leashes, treats, toys and so on.  Things you think your pet will need while displaced from home.  One thing we always bring with us for Macy is her blanket.  I believe like kids, special items helps them feel at ease.  A security item can be anything and for Macy it is the blanket she sleeps on every night.

3.  Ask future landlords (housing or private) if pets are allowed and what the regulations are!  I have mentioned this in a different blog about pets and I will say it again…. Ignorance is NOT bliss!  Ask!!!  Some privatized housing offices (PPV) will be more relaxed than others but I wouldn’t take that chance.  Where I currently live, breed restriction is no joke and they don’t care if you knew or not!

4.  Place your pet in a kennel while traveling.  A seatbelt would work to if you have a very large dog or not enough space (like us). But…. kennels are best.  Also, make sure your pet wears their rabies and ID (contact information) tags.  This is for their ultimate safety in the event something terrible happens like a car accident.

5. Plan financially for their travel.  Sure, DoD pays us for almost all of our travel expenses when we PCS but not our pets and those cost add up.  If you plan on flying your pet it will cost several hundred dollars.  There have been some changes to assistance military families with those cost but there are still costs, even if you take a military charted plane.  Call airlines and hotels ahead of time and ask for fee quotes and start saving!

6.  Have cats? Put them in a carrier while the packers are there!  I knew a family who had their cat packed in a box and when their shipment arrived they found their poor beloved cat not alive.  This is a true story, don’t let it be yours.  When the packers come, put your kitty in a carrier and place it in your secure place with your other belongings you don’t want packed.  Oh and take your dogs to a neighbors during this time.  Pets can get really scared during pack outs, so taking steps like these can ease that stress just a little.

7.  When you can’t take your pet there is Dogs On Deployment (DOD)! I believe that in a perfect world pets owners would never have to leave their pets behind but sometimes the universe has other plans.  It could be because the tour will be short and the cost too high or the only home you could find doesn’t allow pets; what ever the reason there is an option and lucky for us DOD was born! For more information there is a link under the Resource page.

Even Lazier Cats

Our pet family has grown during this tour to include two cats and even though we are a year from moving I am already planning for their needs.  This means keeping up with vaccines and starting to collect items like carriers and collars and tags (for the cats). One kitty still needs a microchip and that will need to be done before we pull out for our next adventure.  It is never to soon to start!  Our pets are very much family member to us and will never be left behind and it is possible with these tips.

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