Tag Archives: deployment

Tips For The Ever Looming Deployment

Posted on April 22, 2013 | 2 Comments

Time is passing and passing fast and with it time brings us one day closer to my husband’s deployment.  As we are preparing my emotions are whirling inside me. One day I’m looking forward to the time alone and the next I’m thinking I can’t do it alone.  I’m sure all spouses go through this emotional roller coaster and for so many they have their checklist memorized.  But, for me, it’s been quite a while since we have spent this kind of time apart.  I remember a little bit but my children don’t remember at all!  They only know it has happened before but can’t quite put their fingers on what it was like.  This time will be different for all of us. Deployment is different for everyone and so I’m going to share with you my tips for how I plan to prepare for and get through it.

1.  Get a “nanny”.  I plan on finding someone from SitterCity.com and having them come a few times a week.  This will let me get my long runs done, grocery shopping, OMB meetings, etc.  Sometimes you just need help or a break and sitters are the way to go!

2.  No planned meals.  Yeah, I said it… Not going to cook planned meals.  It will be Burger King at my house.  You can have it your way.  Some battles are not worth fighting solo and for me that is meals.

3.  Every night is movie night.  Yeah, I said that, too.  Well, at least just while the kids are out of school for the summer.  I plan on letting them go until they drop.  Mind you our boys are a little older so if you have younger children I wouldn’t necessarily do this.

4.  Staying busy.  One kid will be in soccer, the other in swim and they will do a camp of some sort (yet to be determined).  We’ll also go to church, birthday parties, play dates, etc.  I’m hoping this helps pass the time. HOPE!

5.  Daily emails to daddy.  We will write to my husband everyday even if we don’t hear from him.  It will be in the evenings after dinner so the boys can tell him about their day. And for me to tell him I have it under control (even if I don’t).

6.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  On a normal basis I keep my house clean.  During this time I’m not going to sweat it.  The kids don’t care and when I start to care it will be time to get the house back to order.  But, I’m certainly not going to sweat if we have a jammed packed day and the dinner dishes sit over night or the laundry goes unfolded for a day.

7.  Wine night.  Some days are just going to be hard.  No one needs to tell any spouse that so I will have “Wine Night”.  This will be a night of drinking wine with a friend or friends and complaining about how much it sucks to be alone.

Now, I know the saying, “The best laid plans of mice and men” BUT… I have hope these will help us get through.  Even if it is only the Wine Night.

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What Now…..?

Posted on March 8, 2013 | Leave a comment

It’s happening…. the effects of sequestration and it’s no more clearly pronounced than in the latest of the Navy’s cancelled deployments.  Surprisingly, this is a hardship that I don’t think anyone could have predicted.  Sailors and their families make life decisions based on these deployments and the  Soldier and Sailor Civil Relief Act (SSCRA) is commonly used by Sailors for things like apartment leases, car loans and student loans.

Another consideration is family choices during deployments.  Many times spouses with young children will choose to stay with extended family during deployments.  Most often these are young lower ranking families that don’t have much money to spend and work for months to have the money saved to make these trips.  What are they going to do? Stay? Go anyway? And what about the Sailors who gave up their apartments? Maybe they let someone move in while they were gone? How about their plans to save money because they had student loans suspended and were really counting on that income for one reason or another?

What now??? What are they going to do now? And what if your command is slated for deployment? How confident are you that your spouses will be going? I know I’m not!

Here are some tips and resources to help prepare you through the next several months of possible (and already) cancelled deployments:

1. Get with a financial counselor.  They can be from FFSC/MFSC, Military OneSource, NMCRS or your bank. Have them outline any possible financial repercussions that could come up.  This could be anything money related like purchased plane tickets or suspended student loans.  You should know what to expect in the face of the unexpected.

2.  Make plan A, B and C and be prepared to act on all of them.  You may have decided, “nuts to spending 6 months with a two year old and 3 month old, I’m outta here and living with my mom and bought plan tickets.”  Make sure your spouse is ok with you still going or if he/she would prefer that you change plans, etc…

3.  Be open with all interested parties.  This means if you have a second job, be sure your employers knows you might not leave and want to keep your job.  If they think you are leaving they may fill your position and then you are out of luck.  Same goes for lenders!!! Make sure they know anything is possible. The last thing you want is for creditors to come knocking.

4.  Try to see the positive in a cancelation. Yes, yes I know… Sailors love going to sea.  I’m married to one and I can tell you he will be very disappointed if his deployment is cancelled. But, the positive part is that he isn’t leaving and that means no missed birthdays or anniversary or swim meats and soccer games.  Let them mourn and then help them see the silver lining.

5.  Know who you can turn to if the worst happens.  Even the most prepared get stuck with the worst case scenario. There are so many resources to help.  The best people to turn to are the command Ombudsman.  During a recent high profile cancelled deployment Navy families were sent to NFAAS to help have their needs assessed.  This could happen to you, the Ombudsman will be the best person to ask if the need arises.

I do realize that this blog is very Navy focus but I think any military family can use these tips.  A cancelled deployment can happen in any service in any job field.  The ultimate goal would be to ask the “what if” questions and be prepared!

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Patience and the Military Spouse

Posted on October 12, 2012 | 2 Comments

Over the years being patient is something I have had to learn to be.  We, military spouse, spend a lot of time waiting.  We wait on orders so we can plan our lives, we wait on packers to move our stuff and then wait for it to be delivered, we wait for our husbands and wives to return from deployments and then during that time we are waiting and waiting to hear from them.  Always waiting on SOMETHING!  It can be hard to have patience when we have so much waiting to do.  But, with all my years with the Navy I think I am finally beginning to tackle this battle.  Well, “coping” might be a better term.  Here are my tips to help tackle the ever present virtue we call “patience”.

1.  Lower expectations.  When our expectations are too high we can end up disappointed.  So, if you are expecting a phone call from your deployed spouse at 5PM (because after all that is what the email said), expect it to be closer to 6.  Things happen and often beyond their control and so when the phone rings at 5:35 you are thrilled instead of angry.

2.  Keep busy with a “to do” list.  This is a great tip for when you are forced to wait on people showing up at your home.  Like contractors who are “suppose” to come and work on repairs to your storm damaged home.  Lower the expectation, make a list of things that need to be done around the house and forget about the timeline.  Keeping busy will help pass the time and you will be less likely to notice when the maintenance guy is one hour late to fix the dishwasher.

3.  Have stress coping skills.  Waiting for things like PCS orders or new of any thing military related can be very stressful.  Even if you aren’t the member.  We proudly support our spouses and always want the best for them.  But, if you are stressed it doesn’t help anyone.  Have your stress skills waiting and ready.  Things like meditation, exercise, knitting and talking with friends are good examples of this.  When you are relaxed and less stressed your patience will be better.

4.  Always be ready for the unexpected.  Nothing was more unexpected for me than our PCS to Hawaii and it being 7 months sooner than my husband’s projected rotation.  And then put a hurricane on top of that and I feel like the word “patient” hasn’t been in my vocabulary! However, with this military life things unexpected happen all the time.  So, I recovered quickly and moved forward.  Now, the only thing left to wait on is the actual move itself.

5.  Know when to walk away.   Walking away when you are losing patience is very important.  Often times I have to do this when my husband isn’t home and the kids are moving slower than normal (which is really slow, like pouring molasses out of jar slow) and I can feel the patience flying out the window along with my sanity.  Just walk away, use your one of stress relief skills and start over.

Keeping calm and patient isn’t easy for anyone really but military spouses have to have lots of it!  I do realize that sometimes it just isn’t possible and we all lose it some days and that is why wine and ladies night’s were invented.

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5 Reasons to Own a Pet While in the Military

Posted on June 1, 2012 | 2 Comments

This past week I read a blog on SpouseBUZZ about reasons to NOT own a pet while in the military and it got me thinking about why we SHOULD own pets.  The comments in response to that blog both on the SpouseBuzz website and their FB page were very strong and to my surprise, most responses were in favor of owning pets and how much those pets mean to their families.  I have written two blogs about our military pets; one about tips to owning a pet and one about PCSing with pets. In those posts I did talk about how much our pets mean to my family but didn’t really give solid reasons why it is important to own them.  These are my reason but let me say first that this is strictly my opinion and not based on facts!

1. Companion during deployments.  In those comments on SpouseBUZZ I read over and over again about how people’s “fur babies” kept them company during the night while their spouse was deployed.  It is no different for me!  My dog doesn’t routinely sleep with us but when my hubby is away I call her to fill that empty space (the cats are always there).

2.  Consistency for children.  I firmly believe that pets give our military children a sense of stability and consistency in life.  Milkids will grow up in many different homes, in different cities all over the world and go to different schools with different kids but when they come home those wagging tail(s) will always be the same.  My husband and I have had life without our dog but our kids haven’t and I don’t know that they understand that someday there will be and for now that is okay.  They need to live with idea that for now she will always be there when they walk through the door no matter what house we live in.

3.  Dogs make great protectors.  For those who love dogs, this tip is just for you….. I agreed on a dog (I am not a dog person by nature) because my husband was gone a lot and I wanted the feeling of safety.  I realize that Macy is more likely to make friends with the people who come through the door and now in her old age she doesn’t bark when husband comes in late but initially she was my first alarm that something was up in the still of the night time.  This was so crucial to me once our first son was born because now it wasn’t just me anymore.  So, in my opinion, dogs make a great first alarm and provide a sense of security on lonely nights.

4.  They get you moving.  When our husband/wife is gone on lengthy TDY’s or deployment it can be depressing but when you don’t have children to get you out of bed your pet will.  They have needs that need to be met like being fed and walked and played with. Even though I have children, they are in school and it is so easy to just plant myself on the couch for the day but then those sad doggy eyes look up at me with a wagging tail just asking for a walk and I get up.  She keeps me moving…..

5.  When life isn’t fair there is Dogs on Deployment!  In my other two pet blogs I also mention this organization as well as it being listed on my Resource page.  Our military life isn’t always fair and even the best owners are faced with hard decisions, like having a pitbull they love but are forced to live in government housing with breed restrictions.  This amazing organization helps service members and their families find temporary homes through a fostering till they can be reunited again.

I realize that we all have our own individual feelings about animals and the author of that blog on SpouseBUZZ has her own.  For me and my family our pets are worth any hassle that comes with owning pets while serving in the military.  Our life just wouldn’t feel complete without them.  How about you? Are your pets worth it?

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