Monthly Archives: March 2012

Tips for Making Travel a Success

Posted on March 30, 2012 | 2 Comments

Spring break and summer are just around the corner and many families will be traveling.  Being a military family we have done A LOT of traveling, mostly by car and plane.  I feel like over the last ten years I have finally figured it out. Of course there is always the unplanned events like when my younger son came down with the stomach flu while on a long flight from Tokyo to Detroit.  Nothing can really prepare you for something like that but I do have tips for helping ease the time you are traveling to that much needed vacation or visit with family.

1.  LISTS!  Before I travel I love to make lists of all the things we will need.  There is a list of clothing for each of us and then there are the toiletries and food and so on.  You may be chuckling at this but I have never forgotten anything! Before we pull out of the driveway I look over my lists and make sure everything is checked off. So, no more forgetting your child’s favorite toy they just can’t live without, write it on the list!

2. Portable DVD players are a must!  If you have kids and are a parent who is not a fan of too much TV, let it go for the long drive to grandma’s house.  You can buy them for a reasonable price and it will be the best money you spend on your upcoming vacation.  We use our iPad to put movies on but same concept applies.  I swear that it saved my sanity when I had to drive from New Orleans to Myrtle Beach alone with my two boys.

3.  One diaper for every two hours of flight.  I had traveled to and from Japan three times with kids in diapers and with the exception of my younger son getting sick, this works. Taking a baby on a 12 hour flight can seem really overwhelming when you aren’t sure how many diapers to bring.  Make sure to count the layover, too and then throw in one two extras (just in case ).  I then put more in our luggage so I wouldn’t have worry about buying more once we landed.

4.  Bring lots and lots of food and drinks.  I pack each kid their own lunch box with two sandwiches (Smuckers frozen pb&js are great) and at least four to five snacks, two juice boxes and a bottle of water.  Having their own in the seat with them helps keep them from nagging that they are hungry and/or thirsty and they won’t fight over who got to have what because they will have the same thing. For our car trips I always have a cooler with lunch and more drinks. Stopping at a rest stop for lunch not only saves you money but kids get a chance to run around and stretch their legs. If you are flying check with the airline about bringing food for children.  I have never had a problem but rules are always changing so better to call ahead and get the O.K.

5.  Before you set out on the two day drive to Disney World make sure your car is in good condition. Check things like tire pressure, oil and belts. The last thing anyone wants to have happen is to be stranded on the side of the road with a broken down car. A simple tune up to check the basics can save you lots of time and money in the long run.  When traveling from the warm to cold have your car ready to drive in the snow or at least convert quickly to the colder weather for example tire chains for snow or antifreeze for your windshield.

6.  Travel with as little cash as possible.  My husband and I are huge fans of using credit cards while traveling and leaving the check book and cash at home.  Cash can’t be replaced if lost or stolen. The same goes for traveler checks.  Better to plan ahead for the higher credit card bill then to be without money because your wallet was stolen or lost.

7.  Before you buy your package for Disney or a cruise through the internet  or travel agent go to ITT.  Many companies offer military discounts but won’t advertise it.  ITT can help you plan your entire vacation and you will only pay for the trip itself, where as if you go through a travel agent you will have to pay a fee for the service.

8.  Short on money but still want a vacation?  Go camping and rent all the gear you will need at the MWR Outdoor Recreation Office.  They will have everything from tents to fishing poles to canoes and even some have teardrop campers for rent for a very low cost that is based on your pay grade.

9.  If you think you might need it, bring it!  You already know I have a list of the “must haves” but then there are the things I think, “well, we might need or want that.”  I have come to learn that bringing those extra items pays off.  This has been everything from sporting like gear when camping to extra food to extra sweatshirts in July to the two extra shirts when flying with an infant.  This is your gut talking and it is almost always right!  And when your husband says, “no, we won’t need that.”  DEFINITELY BRING IT! Trust me, he’ll thank you in the end.

10.  Be relaxed and have fun!  Vacation and family visits aren’t meant to be stressful and unpleasant, that is everyday life.  When you are standing in the airport and the kids are being restless and cranky, try and remember they are feeling just like you.  If they start fighting over what movie to watch next, chances are it is time for a pitstop.  Count to ten and let it go.

Above all else stay focused on the point of getting away from home.  Our lives are so chaotic and stressful and time with family should be a time of relief and help with your busy two year old.  Vacation should not be spent thinking of all the things that need to be done at work when you get back.  It is a time to focus on the little things like watching your children experience the ocean for the first time or talking with your grandmother about life (they are always the wisest).  It is my hope that these ten tips help you to achieve the most relaxing and stress free travel whether it is to spend much needed time with family or to the beaches of the Outerbanks of North Carolina. And when the inevitable stress does creep in there are cocktails for that, so have a glass of whatever is your choice and relax!

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Posted in Travel

PCS Orders and Your Child’s School Transition

Posted on March 23, 2012 | Leave a comment

Now that my boys are school aged all I can think about in our pending move is, what school will they go to?  Will they make friends? Will they be able to stay on the same academic pace they currently are on?  Can they walk to the new school or will they have to take the bus?  Can I volunteer as much as I do now?  Will there be programs for military children and will the school be accommodating to our needs as a military family?  All things that never even crossed my mind on our last two moves.  With the move to our current duty station I knew our oldest would be entering kindergarten in the fall, but I never thought of these issues.  I don’t whether it was my naive self or the knowledge that an old friend was a teacher at the school or that is was a school made up of 90% plus military students and staff that caused me to not ask those questions.  But, that is all changing now because in a year we will be looking at moving our boys to a new school.  Even though some answers can’t be made till you are moved and school has started I do have tips to help answer some of those daunting questions that loom over parents when the orders to move come in.

1.  Dad or Mom comes home and they have that little stapled packet of orders and every kid know what that means for them…. A NEW SCHOOL!! UGH!!! Instead of waiting, sit down and talk with your school aged kids about what changing new schools will mean for them.  What are their concerns?  What will they miss?  What are they looking forward to?  Keep the dialog open and let them express their feelings about changing new schools.  The older they get the harder it will be especially in the social department.  Friends are so valuable to teenagers and in their eyes irreplaceable.  This leads to tip number 2.

2.  Get an account for your child on Military Kids Connect and keep them connected with military friends.  This is such a great site because it is separated into age groups and allows for kids to talk about their tough military life on a social network just for them.

3.  When you go on your house hunting leave also visit potential schools.  If it is possible bring your child with you.  Let them ask all the questions.  Can I walk onto the basketball team since we won’t be here till December 13th?  Will all my classes transfer or will I have to retake some of them?  As a parent you should be thinking about similar things and help guide your child through this transition.  Be sure you are asking about standardized testing.  In some states high schoolers only need to take their exit exam once regardless of what grade they took and where.  But, you need to ask!  Also, be your child’s advocate!  If your child has taken Algebra I in 8th grade do not let the new high school tell you he/she has to retake it if that isn’t what you want.  All these questions and concerns need to be addressed when visiting because the answers could sway into another school who could be more accommodating.

4.  Contact the School Liaison Officer for the area you are currently stationed.  This person can help you acquire information on schools in the area you will be moving, too.  They will also be able to get in touch with the SLO in your new duty station.  SLO can help with everything from answering questions about the school system to being advocate for you if your child is needs assistance with school related issues, such as not be able to take an AP level class.  The best way to find the contact information for the SLO is go to the base website and look under the directory or even post on a base/Ombudsman or Housing Facebook page.

5.  Make yourself familiar with the Interstate Children’s Compact Commission.  This is a initiative created and signed by states waiving military families on a variety of school policies.  Such as, kindergarten/ first grade entry dates, immunizations and high school exit exams. Not all states have signed this and so it is very important to make sure you know this information!  It could help you in the long run having this document in hand when you are registering your kindergartener in their new school that has a different cut off date then the one you moved from.

6.  When you are preparing to leave your child’s current school ask if you can do something special to help your child feel they will be missed.  One idea is to have your child bring in a t-shirt and let all their friends write their numbers, email address and well wishes on it.  Or maybe offer to bring in snacks and drinks in the afternoon for younger kids.  This is what we did for our older son when we moved while he was in pre-school.  I feel like it helps give kids closure and not the one day I am here and then next I there and no one cares that I left.

7.  On the opposite end of tip 6, get connected with the school counselor in the new school within the first two weeks and make sure you child is adjusting well.  See if they have made friends, know how to get around the school and have all the essential things needed for their classes.  Children react differently and one kid may come home complaining they don’t like their new school but another won’t say a thing.  The first two weeks are crucial in ensuring they have a good school experience during your tour, so be proactive and don’t rely entirely on your child to tell you if they are happy or not.

Transition doesn’t have to be difficult and we are so fortunate to have an abundance of resources at our finger tips to help our children.  At this point you all know my favorite place to gain many of these resources and that is FFSC.  They have every thing from books to counseling.   Also, Military One Source has a wide variety of books and so the Military Child Education Coalition.  Hopefully, with these tips and resources your child’s next school transition will be just little bit smoother and happier.

* Visit the Resources Page to the resources mentioned in this blog and more.

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Posted in Children

Spouses on the Job Hunt

Posted on March 16, 2012 | 1 Comment

Being an Ombudsman I hear a lot of spouses talking about jobs.  Many can’t find one or they try to get a federal job through USA Jobs only to get lost in the black hole of the application process.  Now, I want to be clear that my knowledge on job hunting simply comes from helping others and not from my own experience.  So, while I do not totally understand the frustration of those who aren’t working and want to, I do know the resources to help make it a little easier.  In fact I spend a lot of time reading about military spouses employment struggles because I know one day it will also be my struggle.  These tips should hopefully be eye opening because I am so surprised of the number of spouses who have spent years married to the military and continue to struggle finding employment with each transfer.  Let the struggle and stress be lessened with these tips.

1.  Go to your local FFSC and make an appointment with resume counselor.  They all have them and most of the resume counselors at FFSC also have knowledge about the USA Jobs’ application process.  If you want a federal job these are the people you need to see.  I have heard success stories and some not so successful, too.  You may need to visit more than one person to achieve what you are looking for but I encourage you to not give up.  Being married to the military can be a death sentence on the resume and these specialist can help you make it not look so daunting to employers.

2.  Job Fairs!!  Go to Hiring Our Heroes website.  They have a listing of upcoming job fairs all with employers looking to hire not only our heroes but their spouses, too.  This group also has a Facebook page who posts all upcoming job fairs both local and online.  Also, go to my favorite place, FFSC.  They will also have a listing of local job fairs that aren’t just Hiring Our Heroes.

3.  Follow Joining Forces both on their website and Facebook page.  This initiative was started for soul purpose in making it easier for military spouses to find and keep their jobs.  Stay on top of changing legislation that will benefit your employment status, like jobs requiring a license.  Also, there are companies who have agreed to hire military members and their spouses and promise that jobs will be retained upon transfers.  It is very important that we, as military spouses, support Joining Forces because these are the changes that will benefit us and support us in the work place.

4.  For spouses who are consultants with companies like Pampered Chef, Scentsy and Mary Kay advertise with the housing office.  Recently our management company here hosted an open house after some of these spouses asked to have one to help increase their business.  It can be so frustrating for some to start over with each move especially because advertising is a challenge.  You can’t advertise with MWR, the Ombudsman or FFSC but government housing is different.  Stop by the office and leave your information and ask to post flyers at the mail boxes.  Spouses, support these milspouses by hosting parties and spreading the word yourselves.

5.  Network through social media.  Follow Facebook pages run by military groups like Military One Source, Military Spouse Magazine, Hiring Our Heroes, or Navy Housing (or the equivalent) just to name a few.  Also, Twitter and Linkedin are good sources for networking.  Often times job availabilities are posted here before they even become available. Also, companies like USA Jobs will post and adversities jobs through these sources.  I know a few spouses who have gotten offers for jobs because they connected with an old friend through Linkedin.  These are good places to say, “Hey, I am moving to Norfolk.  Know of any teaching jobs available?”  Use social media in a positive way and network your way into your next job.

6.  I am not sure how politically correct this will be but never the less it is true.  Don’t tell the person interviewing you that your spouse is in the military and on active duty.  We are all very proud of them and want everyone to know what they do and all they have accomplished in defending our country but potential employers don’t hear that.  They hear you are going to move at any given moment without much notice and they will be back to looking for someone to replace you.  I know, it isn’t legal for them to not hire you based on this, nor should they be asking but employers do and they won’t hire because of it.  That is just the facts! Instead, say your husband/wife works for the “base” or Department of Defense (or Transportation for you Coasties).  If the interviewer pries more wanting details just tell them it is a secret job and you aren’t at liberty to discuss what he/she does.  This is a tip I have got from a good friend who uses it and has never not been hired.  I also, told this to one wife who was then finally hired after searching for two years because this was what she gave the interviewer.

Finding jobs with our life can be challenging but so many of us want or need them for various reasons.  Personally, I started this blog in hopes it will lead to future employment.  As military spouses we must stick together and support each other in the fight for jobs.  Just because we move often doesn’t mean we are stuck home, there are ways to over come this battle and I hope these tips help.  I would like to hear your tips for scoring a job if you have them because I know lots of milspouses work, may more than stay home, I think.  As an Ombudsman, I am ask frequently for the resources and I love hearing when they do get hired and how it all went down.  One battle won in a war we, the military spouse, fight everyday.

** See the “Resources” page for links to all the resources I have mentioned in this blog and others.

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Tips For Military Children 3 and Younger

Posted on March 9, 2012 | 1 Comment

As new parents we struggle with bringing babies into our chaotic lifestyle but ultimately we do (for more on that topic please read “Having The Military Baby”).  Once we bring these little military offspring into the world we, as the spouse left home, are faced with what to do with our endless days, weeks and months alone.  For those of us who stay home with them those days can seem so long and never ending especially when you add sleep deprivation and deployments to the mix.  When my boys were under the age of three it was a challenge finding things to do with them but in the end I always did; for my sanity and theirs. At that point in time and even to this day I run.  It is my stress reliever and I forced my young baby and toddler children to come with me.  One time my mother was commenting to me about bringing them with me and I said that I had to do it to help relieve my stress and my older son, then three said: “Yeah, it is all our stress reliever!”  And with that I will go into my tips for surviving the years with children three and younger.

1.  Take a walk everyday! Everyday rain or shine, hot or cold, I walked with my babies.  We would stop at playgrounds and I would let them collect leaves and rocks and other things that I would later throw away. Be sure to bring snacks and drinks; never let that be a reason to have go home.  All government housing has multiple playgrounds and if you live off base make it a priority to find the nearest one within walking distance.  If there isn’t a playground near by just the walk alone is great in and of itself.

2.  Make naps a priority!  Everyday I longed for 1:30 to come around.  It was my two hours of reprieve.  I showered, started dinner, cleaned bathrooms and napped myself.  Too many parents don’t make napping a priority.  If you don’t do it for your child, do it for yourself!  We all need a break during the day, even if you are just going to plant yourself in front of the TV or read a book or do P90X.  Make your kids go to their beds and take nap and enjoy the silence that is napping children.  Man, I miss nap time!

3.  Sign them up for a class.  It could be anything from tumbling to dance to Mommy and Me groups, swimming lessons or even story hour at the library.  This not only gets you all out of the house but it will help you, the parent, have a little social time, too. Everyone needs to be socialized and that includes mommies (or daddies) that stay home with young children. It can be very hard to take that leap for some but I promise you it is well worth all the effort.  To find base supported groups contact either Fleet and Family Support Center or MWR, most of these will either be free or be very low cost.

4.  Find a “once a week” activity to do.  For me and my gang we went to an indoor playground, similar to Monkey Joe’s. But, it could be buying season passes to the zoo, children’s museum or attending a play group.  Something that can really only be done once a week for a couple of hours. Oh and yes, we still walked and napped.  Those activities are only about three hours out of the day. Check with your local ITT office to find discounted tickets for zoos, aquariums, children museums and more.

5.  Learn to cook dinner in 30 mins or less or ahead of time. My saying back in those days was: “If I can’t cook it in the 30 mins or less or make it durning nap time, it doesn’t get made.”  I also would cook double of some things and freeze them so I had quick meals when my husband was away.  One other tip, don’t have the food wars when you are flying solo.  It isn’t worth your already depleted energy.  There is nothing wrong with throwing in the towel and ordering pizza or going to the food court at the NEX.

6.  Take them to an hourly daycare (CDCs usually have them, just ask).  Do this for your personally sanity.  Having even just one or two days a week for 2-3 hours of alone time will go a long way in the “make mom (or dad) happy” department.  Sometimes it is just nice to go alone to the Commissary or the post office or even clean the house without interuptions.  One summer I put my boys in hourly care three days a week for three hours and I came home and read the entire Twilight series.  So, really this tip is about you and how to help relieve some of your everyday stress.

7.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Houses will be messy, playmates will be missed because you just can’t get out the door, cereal for dinner will happen and calls home to mom in tears saying “you just can’t take it” will be made, too.  Those years with small children are so very hard for any parent and then we have the added stress of military life. Cut yourself some slack, call a friend and have a glass of wine on the porch together while your kids play, eat cereal for dinner (AGAIN!) and the house is a mess.

8.  Go home to family! It can be expensive and hard to travel with little ones but both you and them need it.  There is nothing like walking off a plane or getting out of the car and seeing your mom with open arms ready to not hug you but take the kid(s).  Look into “Space A” travel if you are short on funds for flying. It is either free or cost very little and  most Air Station for any service will have them, it just takes a phone call to find out the schedule.  While I believe fully in the support of the military family, there is nothing like your own blood especially when you have very young children.  So go!  Don’t sit home wishing you were there.

In closing I have one last thing tip to add.  Don’t be in a hurry for those years to pass by.  I realize all to well how hard it is to live our life with this little humans who can’t understand why daddy isn’t home and you are sad because you miss him, too. We will shed many tears in these years wishing our mothers were closer to come and rescue us from disasters like your one year old having the stomach flu at two in the morning.  I did all these tips not only because it helped fill my day but because it caused me to slow down and take in my boys at that age.  I so very much wish my boys would take a walk with me and look at nature but they are older and it isn’t as much fun for them anymore.  So don’t wish those years away because they are hard, stop and enjoy them because they go all too quickly.  As my mother always says to me when I complain about how hard it is right now, “the bigger the kid, the bigger the problems”.

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Posted in Children

To Buy, Rent or Housing????

Posted on March 2, 2012 | Leave a comment

With every dreaded move the biggest question we all face is, “Where are we going to live?”  Is the market right to buy?  Or should we rent? Or live in government housing?  I have done them all and I so miss owning my own home but I know right now it is not the best choice for us and so government housing is the choice we have made for the last six years. YIKES!!!  I will say that living on base overseas is hugely different from living in housing in the states.  The big difference is that you do not receive BAH at all overseas and you do here in the states where you automatically give it to the management company.  The rest is all the same….. Loud neighbors, kids running around playing, the people who drive too fast, and neighbor disputes.  All of which my husband and I are willing to except because we know it is the best place for our kids because of where we are stationed.  So how do you make that choice? And what do you do when you do decide where and how you will live?  It is a big decision and probably the most important next to where will the kids go to school.  Here are my “tips” to help make the choice just a little easier.

1.  To start, make a list of pros and cons for each.  What is important to you for your living environment? Is it school district or security or commute or finances?  For us at the time we chose housing in the states it was mostly because we were coming from Japan and didn’t have the ability to look at where we could live.  But, now after three years we stay based on the safety of  our children.  They can freely play outside and walk to and from school.  We chose housing in Japan because I wanted all the comforts of the states because we had a new baby.  I can say with certainty that our decision for our next tour will be largely based on schools.

2.  Once you have decided the priorities for your living environment it is time to look at each option.  I suggest taking  house hunting leave if you can and visit the local Navy Housing Office.  Set up an appointment with a realtor and take a look at what is out there to buy and rent.  The Navy Housing Office will be able to assist you with this.  They aren’t just there for those who choose to live in base housing. Plus, the realtors they refer you to are used to working with the military and understand the needs we have.  Take a tour of the government housing, it can vary greatly from one duty station to the next.

3.  Finances should be a huge part of this process.  We live in a time when buying homes for the military is pretty tough when in three or four years you have to sell your home.  Going to the command financial specialist or Fleet and Family Support Center and getting a budget done can help.  It may help you see if you can afford a mortgage if you move and are not able to sell or put a renter in right away.  It may also tell you that you will be better off not living in housing and renting a home.  Remember, all your BAH will go to the management company.  For some this is a deal because their BAH wouldn’t cover rent or mortgage let alone the utilities.  Get a good idea of what the economy is like where you are moving to.  Coming from overseas we didn’t have the chance to see where our new duty station would be and couldn’t get a real good picture of what the area was like, so housing it was because it was the safe choice.  Turns out we made the right choice.  Our kids go to good schools that are close enough to walk to.  To live elsewhere, rent or buy, would cost more than we could afford.

4.  Another great source to help you make the decision is get with your new command, usually a sponsor, and talk with them about what they chose.  If they bought, who was their realtor and what neighborhood do they live in?  What is the school like and so on and the same would be for renting.  If it is housing, ask about the management company.  Does maintenance respond in a timely manner, how is security, are quiet hours, animal policies and other regulations enforced?  Ask at length about their experiences and their pros and cons to the choice they made.  Get on the base FB page (most have them) and find out from other people what their living situation is like.  Sometimes, no matter what the realtor, Navy Housing or the management company tells you, the real story may come from the people actually living it! So ask and ask a lot of questions!

5.  Now what about those furry little friends that are apart of most families? PETS!  If you are choosing renting or housing asking for the pet policy is a must!  They all have them and even private home owners will have them.  Ask about breed restrictions, because most have those, too.  Lots of insurance companies will not cover renters or home owners with certain types of breeds.  Number of pets, types of exotic pets, size of fish tanks, breeds, micro-chipping, spay/neuter policies, these are all things you should be asking about when looking into renting or base housing.  In my experience ignorance is not bliss!  Saying you didn’t know isn’t an excuse!  You will sign a lease and I can promise you it will be in the lease!  Your pets should be at the fore front of your decision.  For some it isn’t and that is okay, just be prepared to make other arrangements for your pet.

Choosing a place to live is a long challenging process that sometimes turns out to be the wrong one.  I know for my family we are constantly reminding ourselves why we continue to live where we do.  Living on base isn’t our number one choice but for now it is the best.  Our kids have a safe place to play  and it has helped with fuel for our cars because there is a 1 mile commute for my husband and the same for me to go the Commissary.  So, when the time comes when your spouse walks in the door with orders in hand, stop, take a breath and reach for the bottle of wine and start the process of choosing your next home.

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Posted in Housing