5 Reasons To Have MilSpouse Friends

Posted on May 17, 2013 | Leave a comment

I’ve heard it many, many times from spouses that they don’t like having other military spouses as friends.  They have a long list of reasons why and maybe some are valid but, I beg to differ.  In fact I prefer to have other military spouses as my friends.  Here are my top 5 reasons why:

1.  They get the lingo.  Other milspouses just understand what your saying.  You can use crazy acronyms like DFAS and POA and they just know what you are talking about.

2.  You always know someone where ever you go.  Moving is tough and sometimes the one thing you look forward to during a PCS is living near a friend you haven’t seen in far too long.

3.  There tends to not be any “one uppers”.  We all have it tough in this life in different ways.  No one gets that more than a MilSpouse friend!  There is not much of “Well, think that’s bad? My husband.. blah, blah.”  No time for that.. just bring on the wine! No job is no job! And GONE IS GONE!

4.  Support, support, support!  These friends always get your roll coaster of emotions and they sympathize.  They will always be up for a late night wine and chocolate binge.  Take your kids to the playground for an hour (or three) so you can cry or have a private conversation with your deployed spouse.  It’s an understood thing among military spouses.  Something we just do for one another.

5.  Always armed and ready with a resource to help you cope with military life.  Yep!  New to an area and need a playgroup? Chances are your new friend knows one.  You can even reach to friends via social media and they’ll have a few ideas to toss your way.  Milspouses make it their job to be in the know on everything related to military life and are always willing to share! No competition in this crowd because knowing more parents in your child’s soccer team means more car pool options when you have a deployed spouse.

Now, these reason are not limited to military life and I know that, but, I find military spouses to carry a great majority of them if not all of them.  I know, I personally want to have friends who can offer these things to me.  Wouldn’t you?

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To My Boys

Posted on April 30, 2013 | 5 Comments

Dear Boys,

It is April and while your little brains are focused on school, friends, Mindcraft, food and more food my mind is focused on you.  For this month the Military honors you by dedicating this whole month to you, the Military Child.  They honor your courage, strength and resiliency to live a life you have no choice but to deal with.  You were brought into this world to live this life and your dad and I didn’t even ask you what you thought.  We didn’t ask how you would feel about being away from your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends.  We didn’t ask how it would make you feel to live in a new home every 3 years and go to new schools.  Your little child opinions didn’t matter yet here you are and everyday you live this life without complaint. Sure, you tell us how much you miss your friends and share your struggles in a new school but you don’t resist or complain. So strong for so young.

You might be wondering, “Why?” Why do you see me as strong and resilient? Well, sweet boys here is why…

You make new friends like it’s a job, a mission and you don’t give up.

You have hope of good things to come in our new home. I know the fear of the “what ifs” are there but it’s not the focus.

You live this life like a badge of honor.  So much pride for what your daddy does.  No fear in telling others where you have lived or where you want to live.

You have so much love and devotion for family even though you rarely see them.  The bonds are strong and you have never let distance get in the way.

You laugh everyday! Everyday you find something to smile about!! 

You are such wonderful children.  The best any parent could ask for.  This is a hard life to live for children.  Many homes, schools, teams, and long periods without your dad yet, you are happy.  How could I not be in inspired by you?  Every adult should watch you and be inspired by you, a military child, who finds happiness where so many would see none.

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I’m so proud of you! 

Love, Mom

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Tips For The Ever Looming Deployment

Posted on April 22, 2013 | 2 Comments

Time is passing and passing fast and with it time brings us one day closer to my husband’s deployment.  As we are preparing my emotions are whirling inside me. One day I’m looking forward to the time alone and the next I’m thinking I can’t do it alone.  I’m sure all spouses go through this emotional roller coaster and for so many they have their checklist memorized.  But, for me, it’s been quite a while since we have spent this kind of time apart.  I remember a little bit but my children don’t remember at all!  They only know it has happened before but can’t quite put their fingers on what it was like.  This time will be different for all of us. Deployment is different for everyone and so I’m going to share with you my tips for how I plan to prepare for and get through it.

1.  Get a “nanny”.  I plan on finding someone from SitterCity.com and having them come a few times a week.  This will let me get my long runs done, grocery shopping, OMB meetings, etc.  Sometimes you just need help or a break and sitters are the way to go!

2.  No planned meals.  Yeah, I said it… Not going to cook planned meals.  It will be Burger King at my house.  You can have it your way.  Some battles are not worth fighting solo and for me that is meals.

3.  Every night is movie night.  Yeah, I said that, too.  Well, at least just while the kids are out of school for the summer.  I plan on letting them go until they drop.  Mind you our boys are a little older so if you have younger children I wouldn’t necessarily do this.

4.  Staying busy.  One kid will be in soccer, the other in swim and they will do a camp of some sort (yet to be determined).  We’ll also go to church, birthday parties, play dates, etc.  I’m hoping this helps pass the time. HOPE!

5.  Daily emails to daddy.  We will write to my husband everyday even if we don’t hear from him.  It will be in the evenings after dinner so the boys can tell him about their day. And for me to tell him I have it under control (even if I don’t).

6.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  On a normal basis I keep my house clean.  During this time I’m not going to sweat it.  The kids don’t care and when I start to care it will be time to get the house back to order.  But, I’m certainly not going to sweat if we have a jammed packed day and the dinner dishes sit over night or the laundry goes unfolded for a day.

7.  Wine night.  Some days are just going to be hard.  No one needs to tell any spouse that so I will have “Wine Night”.  This will be a night of drinking wine with a friend or friends and complaining about how much it sucks to be alone.

Now, I know the saying, “The best laid plans of mice and men” BUT… I have hope these will help us get through.  Even if it is only the Wine Night.

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Solutions For The New House

Posted on April 12, 2013 | Leave a comment

Every move has a new house that requires “solutions” to make it livable.  It seems like with every move we have to buy new items to help with our “solutions”.  Well, I’m here to give some really great solutions I bet you never thought of!

1.  Problem: Window Treatments that don’t fit the new windows.  Solution:  When your very frustrated spouse gives up trying to make the old ones fit tell them it’s O.K. you will sleep on a solution…. for the next 2-3 years or till you get to the next house.

2.  Problem:  Dishwasher doesn’t clean dishes well even if you rinse them.  Solution:  Wine…. Several bottles should do the trick.  Unless of course you want to spend the money on a new one.

3.  Problem:   Flooring… that can be any type that does work for you.  Solution:  See Solution #2 but don’t waste your money on new floors unless you buy a house then it is worth it.

4.  Problem:  Small bedrooms that are too small for your furniture.  Solution:  Jam in what will fit i.e. the bed and the dresser.  Have a yard sale for the rest.  FB has lots of those groups.  Someone is bound to buy the stuff and you can re-buy it when you move again.

5.  Problem:  Small Yard  Solution:  Be thankful! Mowing yards is a pain in the you know what!

6.  Problem:  Noisy neighbors  Solution:  When you can’t beat them join them!  Make it a contest of who can have the cops called on you first and then party to celebrate!

7.  Problem:  White walls you can’t paint.  Solution:  Have your kids play in the mud and then let them put their hands all over the walls.  After 2-3 threes times they shouldn’t be too white any more.

8.  Problem:  No pantry or inadequate one.  Solution:  You can either only buy things that go in the fridge and/or the small pantry and/or just eat out during this tour.

9.  Problem:  Restricted breeds and amount of pets allowed.  Solution:  Don’t have pets or just get a goldfish.

10.  Problem:  No washer and dryer and you don’t have a set because the last place did.  Solution:  DO NOT buy them because you never know, the next place may have them.  So, don’t wash any clothes, just buy new ones.  There are always clothing for sale on the those FB yard sale groups so it won’t cost too much.

And when all else fails and non of these solutions work just complain on your favorite social media outlet.  This is guaranteed to work!

I know, I know… You are stunned you never thought of these before! You can thank me later when they work.  Until then enjoy your new home!!!

PS… In case you missed the huge neon, flashing lights and siren blaring; this is sarcasm! Did I get you?

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Posted in Housing

Where To Turn When You Need An Ear?

Posted on April 5, 2013 | Leave a comment

I’m a person that wears many hats.  Some people know me as their Ombudsman or Chapter Coordinator, while others know me as the NAS JRB New Orleans SOY and then there are the most important people who see me as wife and mother.  All these hats!  I want to always have my best foot forward but I’m only human and I’m not perfect.  There are times when I wish I didn’t wear so many hats and then it wouldn’t be so hard to say, “Hey, I’m having a hard time. Can you come over and talk?”  What good am I to all the people depending on me (especially my children) if I didn’t use that phrase from time to time?  If you are like me and need a listening ear you maybe wondering, where can I go?  And who can I trust?  Here are five solutions to those questions.

1.  Military OneSource:  They have an 1-800 number that is manned 24 hours a day!  This is perfect if you want real true privacy.  If you carry a somewhat “public” position going to Family Support Center can be tough.  You might worry about someone seeing you and this is the perfect medium.

2.  Chaplain: Talk about confidential!! They are taught to listen and not judge and to affirm.  Sometimes, all you need is a listening ear and these people have that down perfectly!

3.  Family Support Centers:  Now, I know I what I said in tip #1 but you might be the sort of person who needs to actually be with a person.  This is a great choice!  Most office will have walk-in hours, too.  They are also very good at working with busy military schedules.

4.  Family Doctor:  Your doctor is a good choice because they will be able to tell if you are just in a funk and need an ear or if it is more serious.  Doctors are also bound by confidentiality.

5.  Family and friends:  These are the always the best choice!!! They love you no matter how bad you feel or what you say.  You may not think they will understand but you’ll be surprised at their willingness to listen and support you.

Letting someone know you are struggling emotionally can be hard.  We all want to have the “perfect, I have it together” image.  But, it really is O.K. to take off your suit of armor and let down your guard.  It’s my hope that someone in this position will read this and have a little more confidence to reach out and ask for a listening ear.

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Another Open Letter To Congress

Posted on March 22, 2013 | Leave a comment

Dear Congress,

My son is crying…. He is crying because we moved him from the only school he knew and put him in a new one thousands of miles away.  He’s struggling to fit in and get good grades.  He’s crying because as parents we are insisting that he maintain his good grades and he doesn’t like how we are pushing him.  He wants to go back to his old school and the way things were.  What he struggles to understand in his eight year old mind is that it isn’t possible.  We are a military family and moving is part of our life.  He’s still learning to be resilient and strong and over come the challenges of this life.  As I sit here listening to him pour his feelings out to me, all I can think about it is what disappointments lie ahead for him.

The effects of your sequestration!  He joined a swim team and is making friends (finally!) but they are in jeopardy because your cuts are causing the pools to close.  How am I going to tell him that?  What about my other child?  The one that loves soccer and art?  How do I tell him I can’t promise that there will be teams for him join, or that the art classes he loves won’t be available?  How am I going to tell my children these things?  Moving is already hard and these small benefits make the move a little easier.  But, not now…. No, you couldn’t get your budget passed and now I have to bring more sorrow to my children.  I have to bear the burden of their disappointments.

Along with my children, I also have Navy families to tell about your deep cuts that will be effecting us.  I’m a Navy Ombudsman…. That’s right… The one who tells the families the bad news.  Not you!  You aren’t looking in their eyes and telling them we have no pool or the fitness center has reduced hours or that the Commissary is closing an extra day per week.  I’ll be the one to listen to their frustrations and anger, not you!

The command is preparing for a deployment that could be cancelled at any moment.  Do you know what it takes for families to prepare for that separation?  The emotional aspect husbands and wives and children go through to prepare for it?  The financial burdens they may have to face?  Sure, most people would be happy about staying home but it’s an emotional process and can be hard to recover from.  Did you know that? Do you know how to tell families this information?  To take on that burden?  I don’t but I’m going to have to do it whether I’m ready or not.  But, that’s my job, you know, the one I do for FREE!

I’m doing my job of delivering the bad news now I’m begging you to please resolve your issues and pass a budget!  Please, I’m begging you to do your jobs!

Sincerely,

Kate Laing

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The Group That Changed Me

Posted on March 15, 2013 | 10 Comments

I’ve never been one to be part of groups.  As an Ombudsman I know that spouses need them for many reasons I, personally, was never into them.  I’m introverted by nature and so group settings make me uncomfortable and talking to new people is hard for me.

One day I stumbled upon a flyer for a running club, I didn’t know what to do.  I saw the flyer hanging there above my mailbox and for some reason knew that I had to advertise for them.  This is what our base had been missing, well…. every base I had been to.  A FREE running club for mother runners? Perfect!  But, me? Nah… I run alone; I like the time to myself.  Little did I know those two women were going to change my thinking!

That day I saw the flyer I pulled one of the tabs and eagerly emailed them.  I couldn’t wait to hear more and let my spouses know.  How much more perfect could this group get?  The day they launched their first run I showed up and introduced myself and told them I might join them after my next race (in two months).  I knew in my mind it wouldn’t happen.  But, they kept at me…. Every time I ran into one of them at school (our kids were in the same grade) she would encourage me to come.  ”Come on! It’ll be fun! No one will care who you are.”  I’d smile and say, “Maybe”.

Fast forward two months and the worst race to date for me.  I ran a hot weather race in Millington, TN and let’s just say it didn’t end well.  On the way home to New Orleans I thought long and hard about how to get past this experience.  The lightbulb went on!  I was going to do another warm weather race and these two ladies and their running club, with it’s 8:30am start time in S.E. La, were going to  help me do it!  I was going to join them once a week and learn to run in the heat.  That day in June 2011 changed my life forever!!!

What’s this group you ask? It’s Stroller Warriors(TM)…… They are military wives, they are mothers, they are runners!  They are the most amazing group of women and I’m so happy that those two ladies didn’t give up on me.  You see,  I’m continuing the mission that Stepahnie Geraghty, Marine Corpse Spouse of the Year 2012, dreamed up in 2010.  I’m bringing that mission here to Hawaii.  I’m bringing the support, encouragement, companionship, loyalty and most importantly FRIENDSHIP!

Stroller Warriors New Orleans will forever have a special place in my heart.  They are the group that changed my view on clubs and groups.  I’m a changed woman and for the better.  Having running buddies is the way to go and I’ll never insist on running alone again.

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